Beads, Braids And Beyond
Does your daughter have good hair
OMG – you didn’t simply consider answering that query!!
The one proper response is: There is no such thing as a such thing as “good hair.” There is no such factor as “unhealthy hair.” Hair is simply hair. What we do with our hair could also be much less or more healthy. It may be more or less convenient. It could also be more or less expensive. It could also be more or less practical.
But hair will not be inherently good. Hair will not be inherently bad.
So if you are nonetheless saying things like, “I want my daughter had that good hair,” or you might be permitting others to say that somebody does or does not have “Good Hair” in entrance of your daughter, then by virtue of reading this submit, and studying these words, a spell has now been forged on you. For those who let it continue, your tongue will now begin to rot in your mouth.
When I used to be growing up my father challenged us mercilessly on semantics. If I mentioned something was “Big” he stated, “Compared to what ” A canine is perhaps huge in comparison with other canine, however is it big in comparison with an elephant “
The notion of excellent hair was borne out of Western Civilization that held women of European descent up as paragons of beauty. “Good Hair” became brief hand for “Looks like the hair of film stars and wonder queens.”
However you recognize all this, proper Because all of us know about Euro-centric (and now Hollywood) magnificence requirements and how they will take advantage of stunning woman feel undervalued. This weblog is absolutely about removing our personal brainwashing from our speech patterns in order that we don’t pass them on to our daughters.
So for starters…no extra saying “Good Hair.” It is formally an unlawful phrase.
So what do you do when somebody says it to you – in front of you precious, impressionable princess My stock response is a disappointment-laced, “Oh I actually wish it was curlier. I struggled with my limp, stringy hair my complete life so I all the time needed hers to be those powerful, tight curls that don’t take ‘no’ for a solution. However thanks.”
So that’s the place you start – don’t say it and don’t let others get away with saying it round your daughter. As a result of if there’s such a thing as “Good Hair” there might be “Higher Hair” on the market somewhere.
What pains me even more is that so usually, when ladies say this to me, they’re virtually all the time accompanied by other little ladies who are getting the message that their curl sample is by some means not ok. If I can, I take it a step additional and level to the little lady beside them (unless she has a relaxer) and say, “When I used to be pregnant I prayed she’d have This sort of hair.” And that little woman always smiles and blushes somewhat with the compliment.
And this leads me to among the best ways to let our daughter’s know we worth their hair. Praise and point out other folks with the same hair or even curlier hair. I often go as much as different people and inform them how a lot I like their hair or their children’s hair. Leah, at age five, can now spot the folks I am more likely to praise, before even I spot them. Now, going as much as strangers to praise them would not be one thing everyone would feel comfortable doing. I just do it because I enjoy doing it. Then I have to chop and run to maintain from seeming all creepy, however I get it said.
If you aren’t the kind to go as much as someone and compliment them, then simply point them out. However be particular. Say, “Look at that stunning woman. Her hair is just so beautiful. Look how curly it’s!!”
For some reason Leah believes my compliments extra when she hears me praise others. And simply assume if we were all on the market complimenting one another on every other’s daughters’ hair and explicitly saying that what made it beautiful was its curliness. How cool would that be
It’s also possible to make your values known through identification with fictional characters.
My daughter is 5 so she is in a section the place she wants to establish with cartoon characters. We have now one e book about My Little Ponies and each single web page she interrupts me saying, “That’s me.” And “I’m that one.” And “No wait, I’m THAT one.” So I say, “I don’t want to be any of them as a result of they all have that stringy hair.” Then Leah will try to show to me that considered one of them has considerably curly hair and then we battle over which of us get to be her.
Look for different ways in which your daughter might be absorbing messages from media photographs. Have you ever heard your daughter want her hair was blonde Because that one is straightforward to counter : “Duh. It’s boring. Blonde hair is boring.” I name Cinderella and Aurora “the boring princesses” because that is exactly what they are. A dime a dozen.
After we watch Bubble Guppies we each struggle over which of us will get to be Molly. She’s the brown girl with the pink wavy hair. I all the time lament that Molly bellami hair extensions vibrant red would be perfect if only she had pink CURLY hair. One other of the Bubble Guppies has peach skin and curly blonde hair (alas, Leah finds her boring) – in addition to we both know that if Molly had been dwelling on dry land her hair could be reaching for the sky!! My level in making this example is that claiming to be a particular character is yet another way of showing her what you worth about her. I all the time wish to be the brown woman and my daughter grabs my hand and holds it up in front of my face and says, “Mom, have a look at you! You’re white!” and i do a theatrical scream simply to make her chuckle. My daughter knows I really like brown pores and skin more than another pores and skin within the universe, simply as I really like curly hair greater than some other hair in the universe.
Watch out of saying that your daughter’s hair is out-of-management or unmanageable. Change it with “awesome,” “powerful,” and “independent.”
Lately although, I’d been listening to Leah ask for me to make her hair straight. I didn’t know what to do about her request because I don’t wish to make such a giant deal out of it that it ends up being More essential to her. So, I tried a special tack. I built a collage utilizing pics of lovely curly-haired girls and identified that “everyone is aware of these girls are probably the most beautiful and talented ladies on the planet and not Solely are they stunning and talented however they had been additionally blessed with gorgeous, curly, powerful hair. And generally they straighten it as a result of they don’t need to make all of the stringy ladies feel dangerous. It is much easier for a curly-haired girl to fake straight than vice versa. But they don’t put on their hair straight on a regular basis as a result of A) it’s boring and B)when you don’t take good care of the curls you were blessed with then it can get all damaged and you won’t get to have it anymore. “
As a blonde, stringy-haired child I bought spiral perms each six months. It by no means looked pure, however it was higher than straight in my mind. Both my sisters had them and even my brother. If you happen to see a woman with a straight-to-curly perm whisper to your daughter, “Look, she’s attempting to fake like she was born with great hair!! However you shouldn’t be mean to her. It’s best to feel sorry for her. It’s not her fault she was born with boring hair.”
So after I put together my collage of powerful women with powerful hair I put collectively one other collage of ladies making an attempt to have curls. Sometimes it works okay, sometimes not so effectively. I showed both collages to Leah. And whaddya know, it appears to be working. It’s only been two weeks however she hasn’t requested for a straight style once more.
So, am I contradicting myself by saying “all hair is created equal” after which raving about curly hair consistently Not likely, as a result of I at all times cautious to say that I really like curly hair and that a lot of different people additionally love curly hair. Just as I call my daughter “Fairly Girl” as a nickname and inform her that she’s the most lovely girl I’ve ever seen – however then occaisionally remind her that every other mom I know thinks their daughter is the prettiest girl on this planet. Being probably the most bellami hair extensions vibrant red beautiful girl on the planet is overrated. But having your mom and pop, your grandparents and finally your signifcant others tell you that your face is amongst their favourite faces in the entire world – that is important!
Yet another notice – kind of off the subject but – “Nice Eyes ” My daughter has Ebony Eyes. My husband has Ebony eyes. Ebony Eyes are my favourite shade eyes within the universe! There have been 5 chart-topping songs written about Ebony Eyes!!
Begin examining your messages as we speak and tell us the way it goes. What works for you The more we trade our ideas on this topic the extra we can assist each other keep our women heads straight (oh wait, curly!)
Kristl Smith Tyler writes a blog referred to as, “Find out how to Play with Barbies” her weblog provides step-by-step instructions and ideas for utilizing 11.5 inch “fashion dolls” to create a world filled with possibilities for her younger daughter. Her daughter’s barbie world is a world where women with stunning Ebony eyes and darkish hair are much more frequent than “that skinny blonde chick who at all times wears miniskirts”. Her daughter’s dolls embody brown-skinned dolls with a range of body sorts, pure in addition to straightened hair. She additionally has Asians, Muslims, Indians and plenty of different diverse dolls. Her latest put up is about creating dolls with locs or dreadlocks.